i just wanna soil my oats bro
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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