Welp...herpes.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
