the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
