sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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