i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
