You're so nebulous sometimes
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
