there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
