he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
