I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
