i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
