I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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