the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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