She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
