a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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