I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there was a trapeze. enough said
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My life is pants optional.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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