I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
