Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Your cock deserves a montage
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
