You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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