Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
