Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
FUCK WHALES
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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