Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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