tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
