I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
