shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
