Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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