i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
