Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
