That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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