I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
