Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
