That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
