Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
