Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
