At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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