We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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