the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
