Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
