just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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