Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
