i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
