I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish you could order shots online.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
