It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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