he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
