Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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