I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
They have beer where we have blood.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
