That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
