So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
