I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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