Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
this is an emotional support booty call
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
