Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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