it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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