Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
